User blog:THEJJRAT/XD
The salarian doctor with them had cured the disease, stuffing it in a jar and putting it on his shelf. J'zargo threw a fire spell at Ronald, Magical Stormtrooper pulling out his magical E-11 blaster rifle. Ronald, once his turn came around, began tossing hamburger patties laden with way, WAY too much preservatives at the mercs, giving them dangerously high cholesterol levels. The Pepsimen had broken into the castle, firing blue assault rifles at Ronald (the bullets were filled with Pepsi). Then suddenly, a third party entered the duel: the Burger King. This would have given him Type II Diabeetus, if his own food hadn't done that to him already. Instead, Ronald was forced to amputate his foot.The Burger King, however, kept his presence hidden, as he was determined to take out Ronald by Sneak King. With his foot gone, the mercs took this time to beat him with giant sledgehammers. This is when the Sneak King struck...summoning King Whopper. He used his Sandman skill to silently shoot him. And Ronald McDonald was finally dead! The mercs and others rejoiced, winning back new-Nirn. They had reprogrammed the surviving Geth to be burger makers. Suddenly, Mary Sue's Disease. Unfortunately, the Sneak King wanted to take over the world himself in the name of Burger King! Tired of this, Shrek himself from Earth-420 appeared and ate Sneak King. Mary Sue's disease progressed. An army of Robbie Rottens appeared, catching the disease in nets. But then, suddenly, Commander Shepard was transformed by the Mary Sue's Disease, which, in order to better make him Suetiful, transformed Sherpard into FemShep! Who decided to die heroically killing a rat. However, peace was not yet made. The Helghast send their second wave, unaware that Ronald was dead. They were soon confronted by the Combine Empire (from Half Life), the Fourth Reich (from Metro 2033), and the Galactic Empire. As well as the NCR, the Enclave, and the Covenent or however its spelled (from Halo). This caused World War 8. There were no survivors. Except for the Mercs, who fled to another universe .And died because they were Mary Sues. Except they didn't because I said so. However, Gordon Freeman reverses time and stops World War 8, making peace among the various empires. They then turned new-Nirn into one of the most advanced and peaceful planet in the multiverse, people from all over visiting it. >cue credits Kkkk A retired Mann Co medic grabs his medical items and puts them in his man purse, heading to the door. "Ma, I am heading out into the wild!" "Ja!" _________ A Medic finds a strange facility in the middle of nowhere, which looks like it's been raided by protagonists. He rushes in, trying to find injured ones. He finds an corpse sitting in a pool of blood. A medic: I will heal you That random guard that dies in Season 4 Episode 2: Thank god A medic: *takes out medicine that revives people* A medic: *makes you swallow it with plenty of liquids* A medic: *waits for results* That random guard that dies in Season 4 Episode 2: *Slowly stands up* That random guard that dies in Season 4 Episode 2: Thanks doc. A medic: Another successful procedure! That random guard that dies in Season 4 Episode 2: Now do you have anything for becoming more relevant to the plot? A medic: Well, I have a cube that can magically revive everybody and fix everything that is being wrong. I once saved the galaxy with said cube. A medic: It also smells like fried shrimp. That random guard that dies in Season 4 Episode 2: That is a great power. A medic: You can have it. I hate shrimp! That random guard that dies in Season 4 Episode 2: You must use it responsibly. That random guard that dies in Season 4 Episode 2: *Dumbly takes it* That random guard that dies in Season 4 Episode 2: yay? A medic: Thank you. Now I must go, I have medicals to medicate. A medic: *runs away* That random guard that dies in Season 4 Episode 2: *Waves* ______ A Medic wanders near a nuclear testing site, meeting an edgy foe. A medic: Oh The edgy Deviantart version of you: *Scoffs* A medic: So, I assuming you don't heal? The edgy Deviantart version of you: If I can't heal my emotional pain why should I bother healing others physical pain? The edgy Deviantart version of you: *Hair flip* A medic: Oh Jesus, I must heal your mental illnesses. *pulls out pill bottle* The edgy Deviantart version of you: *Shoots it* A medic: NO! The edgy Deviantart version of you: *Scoffs* A medic: *pulls out bonesaw and throws it at you, pulling out another pill bottle and trying to force them down your throat* The edgy Deviantart version of you: *Goes one winged angel and fires DARKNESS LASER at you becasue he is awsum an cool* A medic: OH FUCK *now has a thick joke in chest* The edgy Deviantart version of you: HEAL THIS A medic: *struggles to take out med kit before I bleed out The edgy Deviantart version of you: *DARK SPIRIT BOMB DBZ STYLE* The edgy Deviantart version of you: ITS NO USE A medic: AWHHHHHHH *runs away* The edgy Deviantart version of you: *Dies from edge overdose* A medic: *falls over due to not having a fucking heart and dies* Meanwhile A guard wanders around a nuclear testing site, testing out the cube he found. He spots two corpses in the distance.. _____ Medic stumbles upon an old scrapyard.. A medic: Do you require repairs? GUITAR WARRIOR (Robot with an electric guitar): The master of this dimension, the Metal Lord, does NOT welcome you, you MUST TURN BACK. GUITAR WARRIOR (Robot with an electric guitar): And NO. GUITAR WARRIOR (Robot with an electric guitar): DO NOT COME ANY CLOSER OR I WILL DESTROY YOU A medic: Okay. *walks away" A medic: Jk *jumps at you with a net, trying to capture you* GUITAR WARRIOR (Robot with an electric guitar): GUITAR WARRIOR! A medic: *the net has an EMP, shutting you down* GUITAR WARRIOR (Robot with an electric guitar): *The robot falls to the ground and self-destructs, the remaning pieces appear to evaporate* A medic: *before they evaporate, he heals this and puts them in his pocket* A medic: I shall use this as a replacement arm for my patients _____ And that's how I lost my medical license. Kkkk Adrian Shephard (will shoot srpers on sight): Holy shit how long have I been in stasis Darth Trayous (M Human OC, fair skin, brown hair/eyes, black saberstaff, ask for further desc): Long enough, I would say. Adrian Shephard (will shoot srpers on sight): There's people with fucking laser blasters and light thingies Adrian Shephard (will shoot srpers on sight): And spaceships Adrian Shephard (will shoot srpers on sight): Does Black Mesa even exist anymore Darth Trayous (M Human OC, fair skin, brown hair/eyes, black saberstaff, ask for further desc): ...Black What? Adrian Shephard (will shoot srpers on sight): It was a science place. I was sent there to kill the scientists because of a cascade or something. Adrian Shephard (will shoot srpers on sight): But then a bunch of aliens broke out and killed my squad Darth Trayous (M Human OC, fair skin, brown hair/eyes, black saberstaff, ask for further desc): What race of aliens, were you able to tell? Adrian Shephard (will shoot srpers on sight): Uh, one of the scientists said "vortigaunts" and "headcrabs". Darth Trayous (M Human OC, fair skin, brown hair/eyes, black saberstaff, ask for further desc): Describe them? Adrian Shephard (will shoot srpers on sight): Vortigaunts were like us, but with a hunched back. They had two fingers, one eye and a round head, and an arm coming out of their damn belly like wtf Adrian Shephard (will shoot srpers on sight): And the headcrabs were giant... crabs that jumped on your head and turned you into a zombie. Darth Trayous (M Human OC, fair skin, brown hair/eyes, black saberstaff, ask for further desc): *nods, rapidly inputting the data into a handheld device that looks like nothing so much as a bastardized smartphone* Adrian Shephard (will shoot srpers on sight): Don't know their name, but there were also little green dog things that had giant eyes. They would make a noise that... well, it hurt, and then it made a fuckin' energy burst or whatever and make me fall on my ass. Darth Trayous (M Human OC, fair skin, brown hair/eyes, black saberstaff, ask for further desc): *nods again, silently, still typing* Tell me something. What is a "crab," exactly? Adrian Shephard (will shoot srpers on sight): They were fish, I think. Dad used to catch them for dinner when I was a kid. These things were... fleshy. They walked on five claws, and had no eyes. They sorta looked like a raw chicken. Darth Trayous (M Human OC, fair skin, brown hair/eyes, black saberstaff, ask for further desc): I see. Adrian Shephard (will shoot srpers on sight): Back on the Mesa event, after my squad was dead and shit hit the fan, the Black Ops were sent in. They planted a nuke. A really big nuke. Then shit went down homie Darth Trayous (M Human OC, fair skin, brown hair/eyes, black saberstaff, ask for further desc): So what brought you to Naboo? Adrian Shephard (will shoot srpers on sight): After I disarmed the nuke, this guy I saw during bootcamp appeared. He literally froze time, telling me he was interested in me. Said I did a good job for killing those aliens. Then he kept me. Like a trophy. In space. With some guy in a HEV suit. All I remember is waking up here. Darth Trayous (M Human OC, fair skin, brown hair/eyes, black saberstaff, ask for further desc): ........Right. Adrian Shephard (will shoot srpers on sight): So... uh, guessing humanity has already did the space colonization thing, where's Earth? Darth Trayous (M Human OC, fair skin, brown hair/eyes, black saberstaff, ask for further desc):............................................Where?! Darth Trayous (M Human OC, fair skin, brown hair/eyes, black saberstaff, ask for further desc): What the hell kind of a name for a planet is Earth? Adrian Shephard (will shoot srpers on sight): Uh.. In the Milky Way? Adrian Shephard (will shoot srpers on sight): Don't tell me he sent me to another galaxy... Darth Trayous (M Human OC, fair skin, brown hair/eyes, black saberstaff, ask for further desc): It would appear so. Adrian Shephard (will shoot srpers on sight): Dammit... Well, I guess this gas mask and gun would fetch for some... whatever they use for money around here. Maybe they have a military I can join again... Darth Trayous (M Human OC, fair skin, brown hair/eyes, black saberstaff, ask for further desc): Naboo does not; they're a pacifist planet. You want a military, go and find the First Order or the Resistance. Adrian Shephard (will shoot srpers on sight): Well, where do I get one of those UFO things? Darth Trayous (M Human OC, fair skin, brown hair/eyes, black saberstaff, ask for further desc): That depends on what model you opt for. I know Corellia and Nubia are known for their starships. Mine is a modified Corellian YT-2000. Darth Trayous (M Human OC, fair skin, brown hair/eyes, black saberstaff, ask for further desc): And as for currency, the phrase you're looking for is Republic dataries. Adrian Shephard (will shoot srpers on sight): Welp, guess it's time to finish college. Darth Trayous (M Human OC, fair skin, brown hair/eyes, black saberstaff, ask for further desc): That, you can do here on Naboo. Adrian Shephard (will shoot srpers on sight): House, maybe? I'm tired and this vest is gonna make my legs collapse. Darth Trayous (M Human OC, fair skin, brown hair/eyes, black saberstaff, ask for further desc): Applications for refugee housing are in that building. *points* Adrian Shephard (will shoot srpers on sight): Okay, thanks. Also, what's the name? Might wanna remember that when you're the first person I've met in the last.. lots of years. Darth Trayous (M Human OC, fair skin, brown hair/eyes, black saberstaff, ask for further desc): My name? Darth Trayous. I'm--or at least, I was--a Sith Lord. Regardless of technicality I consider myself one still. Adrian Shephard (will shoot srpers on sight): Don't know what that is, but I'm Adrian. Corporal Adrian Shephard. Darth Trayous (M Human OC, fair skin, brown hair/eyes, black saberstaff, ask for further desc): *nods in greeting* It's nice to meet you, then. Adrian Shephard (will shoot srpers on sight): You too. Oh, and you seemed interested in those aliens I met back in Black Mesa. Grabbed some research papers back there to pass the time. Figured you'd want it, I have no use for it now. Darth Trayous (M Human OC, fair skin, brown hair/eyes, black saberstaff, ask for further desc): I was interested in case they were species I recognized. But if you're from another galaxy there's very little point. Adrian Shephard (will shoot srpers on sight): Oh, thought you were a scientist. This might also be worth something, then. Darth Trayous (M Human OC, fair skin, brown hair/eyes, black saberstaff, ask for further desc): I'm far from. Adrian Shephard (will shoot srpers on sight): Though, there is stuff about another dimension. Think this place would probably be able to travel there. Darth Trayous (M Human OC, fair skin, brown hair/eyes, black saberstaff, ask for further desc): Unless you just mean jumping to hyperspace you're out of luck. Adrian Shephard (will shoot srpers on sight): Stargate and Doctor Who has gotten my expectations for the future a bit high. Those are TV shows. Assuming you still use TV. Darth Trayous (M Human OC, fair skin, brown hair/eyes, black saberstaff, ask for further desc): ...What makes you so sure this is the future? Darth Trayous (M Human OC, fair skin, brown hair/eyes, black saberstaff, ask for further desc): At least, the distant future. Adrian Shephard (will shoot srpers on sight): Well, back home we used swords. Made of metal. Here? You use plastic sticks with a laser sticking out of it. Darth Trayous (M Human OC, fair skin, brown hair/eyes, black saberstaff, ask for further desc): *scoffs* Plastic?! Darth Trayous (M Human OC, fair skin, brown hair/eyes, black saberstaff, ask for further desc): *pulls his saberstaff from his belt* This is hand-machined aluminum! Adrian Shephard (will shoot srpers on sight): Oh. Looks shiny enough to be plastic. Darth Trayous (M Human OC, fair skin, brown hair/eyes, black saberstaff, ask for further desc): That's because it's black-anodized. Adrian Shephard (will shoot srpers on sight): And you're throwing shit at me when I just woke up here. Well, I did that with you, but you were interested. Darth Trayous (M Human OC, fair skin, brown hair/eyes, black saberstaff, ask for further desc): ...I'm using basic metalworking terms. Darth Trayous (M Human OC, fair skin, brown hair/eyes, black saberstaff, ask for further desc): And everything else I brought up was because you asked. Adrian Shephard (will shoot srpers on sight): And I grew up with a fisherman. Smithing ain't my thing. Darth Trayous (M Human OC, fair skin, brown hair/eyes, black saberstaff, ask for further desc): Point is, it's black and pretty. Adrian Shephard (will shoot srpers on sight): Would look nice on a shelf. Darth Trayous (M Human OC, fair skin, brown hair/eyes, black saberstaff, ask for further desc): Looks better on the battlefield. Adrian Shephard (will shoot srpers on sight): wouldn't you be focusing on the enemy and not staring at some guys sword Darth Trayous (M Human OC, fair skin, brown hair/eyes, black saberstaff, ask for further desc): That depends... *smirks, carefully igniting both ends of the weapon* On the sword. Adrian Shephard (will shoot srpers on sight): That looks extremely dangerous to the user Adrian Shephard (will shoot srpers on sight): You could cut yourself in half with that thingAdrian Shephard (will shoot srpers on sight): Or lose a finge Adrian Shephard (will shoot srpers on sight): Or all of them Darth Trayous (M Human OC, fair skin, brown hair/eyes, black saberstaff, ask for further desc): Which is why we train with lower-power sabers before making our own. Adrian Shephard (will shoot srpers on sight): I assume that means it would almost cut you in half?Darth Trayous (M Human OC, fair skin, brown hair/eyes, black saberstaff, ask for further desc): No. It means it wouldn't cut through much of anything. Just hurt a bit. Adrian Shephard (will shoot srpers on sight): So like rubber bullets? Adrian Shephard (will shoot srpers on sight): Which are things you shoot out of a gun that could kill somebody, but instead made of rubber? Darth Trayous (M Human OC, fair skin, brown hair/eyes, black saberstaff, ask for further desc): ...Your weapons shoot actual objects rather than beams? Adrian Shephard (will shoot srpers on sight): Yep. We use lasers for cutting things. Darth Trayous (M Human OC, fair skin, brown hair/eyes, black saberstaff, ask for further desc): That sounds even more cumbersome than the blasters here, and I hate using those. Adrian Shephard (will shoot srpers on sight): Well, they're heavy and rip the shit of your ears. Darth Trayous (M Human OC, fair skin, brown hair/eyes, black saberstaff, ask for further desc): Far worse than what troopers use here then. Adrian Shephard (will shoot srpers on sight): And reloading is hard when a crab the size of a watermelon is jumping at your face. Darth Trayous (M Human OC, fair skin, brown hair/eyes, black saberstaff, ask for further desc): That's the other nice thing about a lightsaber. Because of how the blade works, the power cell will last for years. Adrian Shephard (will shoot srpers on sight): Well, we didn't reload our swords... Darth Trayous (M Human OC, fair skin, brown hair/eyes, black saberstaff, ask for further desc): But certainly the blades broke? Adrian Shephard (will shoot srpers on sight): Yeah, but you couldn't just slap another blade on it. Darth Trayous (M Human OC, fair skin, brown hair/eyes, black saberstaff, ask for further desc): And I'm not insinuating you could. Darth Trayous (M Human OC, fair skin, brown hair/eyes, black saberstaff, ask for further desc): Though that would be an interesting idea. Adrian Shephard (will shoot srpers on sight): You could use gorilla glue- Adrian Shephard (will shoot srpers on sight): Then why did you bring it up when I was talking about reloading? Darth Trayous (M Human OC, fair skin, brown hair/eyes, black saberstaff, ask for further desc): ...My brain works in stupid ways sometimes. Darth Trayous (M Human OC, fair skin, brown hair/eyes, black saberstaff, ask for further desc): There was a connection that made sense to me. Adrian Shephard (will shoot srpers on sight): *you can see a headcrab crawl out of my backpack and growl* Darth Trayous (M Human OC, fair skin, brown hair/eyes, black saberstaff, ask for further desc): ...You kept one of the fuckers. Adrian Shephard (will shoot srpers on sight): ...they're cute when they aren't trying to kill you. Darth Trayous (M Human OC, fair skin, brown hair/eyes, black saberstaff, ask for further desc): *tenses up, his eyes on the creature* Adrian Shephard (will shoot srpers on sight): Don't worry, it can't turn you into a flesh craving freak. One of the scientists at Black Mesa "debeaked" it. Can't do that shit no mo' Darth Trayous (M Human OC, fair skin, brown hair/eyes, black saberstaff, ask for further desc): *nods and reluctantly powers down his saber* Adrian Shephard (will shoot srpers on sight): Well, I'm gonna try to get a house and find out what this thing can eat. Thanks for the info. Darth Trayous (M Human OC, fair skin, brown hair/eyes, black saberstaff, ask for further desc): No problem. You want my advice on that matter? Adrian Shephard (will shoot srpers on sight): Well, it's better than going in blind. Darth Trayous (M Human OC, fair skin, brown hair/eyes, black saberstaff, ask for further desc): I don't know if they're on the waterfront near Theed Palace but I know there are mollusks the Gungans eat. Adrian Shephard (will shoot srpers on sight): Gonna write that down, thanks. Whatever doesn't poison it is fine, from what I've seen. Adrian Shephard (will shoot srpers on sight): Though, it mostly ate dead Black Ops and vortigaunts. Adrian Shephard (will shoot srpers on sight): And whatever I could win out of the snack machine. Darth Trayous (M Human OC, fair skin, brown hair/eyes, black saberstaff, ask for further desc): Hey, I'm just giving suggestions. Adrian Shephard (will shoot srpers on sight): I get carried along sometimes. Probably from my mom. Darth Trayous (M Human OC, fair skin, brown hair/eyes, black saberstaff, ask for further desc): *suddenly the comm on his belt beeps, and he answers it--the flickering blue hologram is a regal woman in her mid-20s* Your Majesty. I realize I'm late; tell Talon I'm aiding a newcomer. Adrian Shephard (will shoot srpers on sight): Is that the President? Darth Trayous (M Human OC, fair skin, brown hair/eyes, black saberstaff, ask for further desc): *the woman looks a bit confused at the assumption, but smiles when she remembers the concept* Yes, I suppose that would be the best-fitting description. But my official title is Queen. Adrian Shephard (will shoot srpers on sight): Oh, then hello, Mrs. Queen! *salutes* Misc Darth Trayous (M Human OC, fair skin, brown hair/eyes, black saberstaff, ask for further desc): ((5'10", thin but not scrawny, wearing an odd twist on the usual Sith garb: tunic and pants, as well as gloves after a fashion--fingerless things that go up to his elbows and are adorned with buckles; the right sports three small spikes between the knuckles. Rather than a belt he wears a combination belt and sash, his Covertec clip on his left hip. His boots aren't the usual straight Sith footwear but are distinctly pirate-like, and rather than a robe he wears a flowing black cloak. His face is somewhat thin and scruffy, narrow eyes so dark brown they're almost black, his hair just long enough to sweep to one side or back. The saberstaff hanging from the Covertec clip is rather straightforward: choke points above and below each switch, and silver accent rings near the centre and emitters (for reference: UltraSabers Dark Sentinel LE Staff). As it uncouples into two each individual blade has its own name: Flotsam and Jetsam. Both sabers emit ruby blades.)) K Kk Mkk Category:Blog posts